Wednesday, June 11, 2008

The Ocean

My friend sent me this, a sample of what kids said when asked to write about the ocean…

Seems they have all been to my house…

1. This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight
testicles.(Kelly, age 6)

2. Oysters' balls are called pearls. (Jerry, age 6)

3. If you are surrounded by ocean you are an Island .
If you don't have ocean all round you, you are
incontinent. ( Wayne , age 7)

4. Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth,
just like Emily Richardson. She's not my friend
any more. (Kylie, age 6)

5. A dolphin breathes through an asshole on the top
of its head. (Billy, age 8)

6. My uncle goes out in his boat with 2 other men and a woman
and pots and comes back with crabs.(Millie, age 6)

7. When ships had sails, they used to use the trade
winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes when the wind
didn't blow the sailors would whistle to make
the wind come. My brother said they would have been better
off eating beans.(William, age 7)

8. Mermaids live in the ocean. I like mermaids. They are beautiful
and I like their shiny tails, but how on earth do mermaids
get pregnant? Like, really? (Helen, age 6)

9. I'm not going to write about the ocean. My baby brother
is always crying, my Dad keeps yelling at my Mom, and my
big sister has just got pregnant, so I can't think what to write.
(Amy, age 6)

10. Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting.
Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live
in caves under the sea where I think they have to
plug themselves into chargers. (Christopher, age 7)

11. When you go swimming in the ocean, it is very cold,
and it makes my willy small. (Kevin, age 6)

12. Divers have to be safe when they go under the water.
Divers can't go down alone, so they have to go down
on each other. (Becky, age 8)

13. On vacation my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when
she was going very fast. She says she won't do it again
because water fired right up her big fat ass. (Julie, age 7)

14. The ocean is made up of water and fish. Why the fish don't
drown I don't know.(Bobby, age 6)

15. My dad was a sailor on the ocean. He knows all about the
ocean. What he doesn't know is why he quit being a sailor
and married my mom. (James, age 7)


Anonymous said...

Oh, man, I'm wiping away tears of laughter. Especially the water skiing one. And the dolphin asshole. Priceless! By the way, I added you to my bogroll. I've seen all I need to see to know you're the poo and I'm taking a big whiff.

Amy said...

Lindsey: That, is by far, the most heartfelt and priceless compliment I've ever received in my life!!! XOXO!!!! Love, TP

holly said...

I'm reading lindsey's blog now, just from this comment alone. :) Great list, btw.

sarah said...

Oh my god, my husband and I are dying with laughter. Love it, can I email your list to some family members, or is that taboo in blog world?

Amy said...

Sarah: Sorry I didn't answer 'til just now... Go right ahead!!! Maybe they will tell two friends and they'll tell two friends, and so on and so on and so on. (Wow am I dating myself! You are probably too young to remember that commercial!)

tracey said...

My husband is a children's pastor and once taught a lesson about the greedy octopus and his eight testicles. God as my witness I have never been so close to an aneurysm or public urination. I have never laughed so hard in my life nor shown that level of self control. Notice I didn't correct or stop him. >: ) It's a wonder parents let their kids near him again.

Amy said...

Tracey: Freaking hilarious!!! I bet you weren't the only one about peeing yourself. That reminds me of the spelling bee kid, too, the one who thought his word was numbnuts. Ha.