Wednesday, March 12, 2008

You Shook Me

On my way home last night, I stopped at my favorite store (the one with the beer cave). As I was paying the woman at the counter, I looked past her out the window and caught a glimpse of a man's arm. Just an arm, mind you, but I recognized it because it belonged to my ex boyfriend. Just to be sure (and to quickly come up with a way to avoid him), I watched the door out of the corner of my eye until he reached it. Unfortunately, I was right. I don't think he saw me (he was probably too busy looking at himself in the security monitor over the doorway). I took my time folding my money and putting it back in my pocket to give myself a second or two to make my escape. I was successful, thank goodness...

That was the first time I'd seen that idiot since we broke up in September and it threw me for a loop. Not because I have any desire whatsoever to even talk to him, it was just the fact that I was in the same room with that ass that unleashed a sense of wanting to hurt someone physically. I wouldn't mind hurting that stupid car of his, either. Just so you know, I am about the farthest thing from violent that anyone could be and never have been. I don't spank my kid, I've never been in a fight and don't see the point in people who do. So what is it about this particular person that would make me feel this way? I'll tell you: For a year and a half I was manipulated, insulted and degraded. Maybe my anger is really at myself for putting up with it for so long, but that does not excuse what this person did to me. I know I am better off. He is the loser, not me. I'd rather be by myself forever than to put up with that kind of shit ever again, so I've learned my lesson--the hard way.

Still, it might feel good just to whack him upside the head. Just once. Real hard.

Monday, March 3, 2008

Say What?

As I've said here before, when I'm out and about I seem toattract wierdos like flies to honey. It seems here lately that when I'm at work I'm not safe, either.
People, not just kids, say the darndest things to me, like:
The cleaning lady:
"Did you smell your desk this morning?"
Uh, no... Why, will I get high?
A customer wanting the phone number for a different business:
"How do you call information?"
Another customer wanting to mail a payment:
"Do I have to sign my check?"
Yes, and please make sure it's in crayon.
A wierdo wanting to talk to my boss:
"How much do you know about horses?"
I only know about whips, does that count?
The jerk that I hate:
"What are you doing this weekend?"
Stuff, you idiot. None of your business.
My boss:
"What day is it?"
Medication Day.
Someone on the phone wanting to schedule a tour:
"So, is this your number?"
No, it's not.

Saturday, March 1, 2008


For some reason I am a weirdo magnet… Perfect strangers find me irresistible, especially if they have some gross medical condition they want to discuss or if they need gas money. Recently, though, I got a good laugh when I stopped at the convenience store and I thought I’d share:

Dude: Can I help you?

Me: Can I get a pack of Marlboro Light 100’s in a box, please?

Dude: You sher can!

Dude: Those are some big earrings you have on. They go good with your big blue ears.

Me: Ruh?

Dude: Oh! I mean eyes, eyes!

Me: That’s O.K., I’m really a Smurf.

Dude: Heh. That’s funny. (Puts the wrong kind cigs on the counter) Are you sure you’re old enough to smoke?

Me: Yep. By about twenty years.

Dude: You don’t look 49.

Me: That’s because I’m 39.

Dude: O.K., now you’re embarrassing me! When’s your birthday?

Me: May.

Dude: So you’re only a couple of months older than me.

Me: Smurfs age really well.

Dude: Heh. That’s funny.

Me: Can I please have 100’s?

Dude: Oh. Heh. Sorry! (Hands me 100’s in a soft pack. I don’t have the heart at this point to correct him again).

Me: That’s O.K. Have a good day.